Sunday, February 27, 2011

A letter to the Girl Scouts

Dear Girl Scouts,

I am not sure what your organization stands for; I went to one Brownie informational meeting as a kid and ended up doing Indian Princess instead (I think my dad was Flying Eagle and I was some kind of Dove). I don't know if you, like the Boy Scouts, believe in always being prepared. I only know that once a year you wreak havoc on my nutrition. You show up at my door and absolutely win me over with your adorable sales pitch. The Samoas you offer call my name and before I know it, February arrives and I find myself helpless, powerless, and ill from their coconutty goodness.

In years past, I have had some semblance of control and only been able to eat the boxes I order in January when my resolutions are fresh and meaningful. But now, in some twisted sales technique, you have found me at Kroger. And your sweet adorable selves literally call to me as I am walking in and walking out . . . offering me more Samoas than my heart and stomach can handle.

I would love to continue supporting your cause, but out of respect for those of us who will be forced to go to the pool multiple times a week this summer, I ask that you start selling something else. Diet Dr. Pepper, for instance, would be something I would gladly purchase from you in LARGE quantities. Sugar free bubblegum, ankle weights, and workout shorts are also more acceptable pre-shorts weather items.

Thank you for only selling them once a year.

A loving (and really full) supporter,

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