Thursday, April 21, 2011

The short and full of it on a co-pay kind of day

When I think of the things I could have done with the money we have spent on co-pays at the doctors’ offices today I could cry. The pedicure, the clothes, the shoes, the date night that we could be enjoying. Sigh. Oh well. 
Such is life with 6 people in a family. I was pondering today the things we are always short on . . . sleep, time, money, time, did I mention sleep? It is a phase of life, a short season, but sometimes it can really ware on you. (Or is it wear on you? I looked them both up and couldn’t decide. Too bad . . . it makes you tired and weary . . . how about that?)
There are things that make life full in this season as well . . . there is abundant noise and laughter and stories and hugs and kisses and love and fun and joy. All of which totally make up for the other.
But can I be honest? Today, I am feeling the shortness and the things I feel full of are anxiety and busyness. 

I have brought on much of the busyness. And there are only a couple of the many things we are doing that I am wishing I wasn’t. But days like today that start at 4:45 am and go strong until bedtime are long.
I am honestly not complaining--just recording it. Because, I know that like all weary seasons before, there will be an end to it. I want to remember how I feel now for 2 reasons-1) as a reminder to say no to some things (and by the way, if you are reading this, you are not one of the things . . . I promise . . . the busy choices I mistakenly made are not the friends in my life . . . they are activities that sounded easy and good in August and are kicking my tail in April) and 2) so I can celebrate and thank God for the victory.
As for the anxiety . . . some of it is personality and some is situational. If you would have told me that after our house was broken into I would be more fearful to be gone than to be home, I would have told you that makes no sense. Why would I want to be where the “bad guys” came?! But the truth is, I feel like somehow I can keep it from happening again if I am there. (Control freak much?) So, on days like today, when it is impossible for me to be there, I am freaking out on the inside that it might happen again. I am sure time will lessen these feelings, but 2 weeks out, they are fresh and strong.
Well, there you have it . . . we are single handedly helping several doctors pay off their schooling as I have mild panic attacks in all the waiting rooms and parking lots. Yeah, you might want to let my call go to voicemail today :)
I’ll end with a cute story because I want you to come back tomorrow!!
Last night we called Bo upstairs for something by saying “Bo, come here!” and Sascha decided she wanted to see what was up so she started following him saying, “What, Racial?” (Yes, occasionally she tries calling me by my name) “I toming!” Bo did NOT want her coming upstairs with him so he turned around and yelled to her, “NO, SHASHA! YOU ARE NOT COME HEREING!”

See . . . full of laughter. Even today.

1 comment:

  1. Deep breaths girl! There is a Paul Simon song and I don't know the name of it but part of the song goes "Little by little, bit by bit, little bit by little bit" and it's got a nice tune to it. That becomes my mantra on days like you just described. I seriously say it in my head over and over again. I have no advice for you on emotional reaction to the break in. It really stinks that it happened and I would be an emotional train wreck!