Wednesday, August 22, 2012

New Normals and Overanalyzing

Today was day 3 of the big three all being in school. Bo is doing great, tired, but raring to go each morning. Although, I think he hit his wall this afternoon--he went postal on Tru and Sascha and then collapsed in my lap crying. A hug, a snack, and some alone time watching Wild Kratts and he is back to all smiles and giggles. (By the way, I so get it. I could use a snack and some alone time too! Ha ha ha)

I'm not going to lie, I cried this morning when Bo got out of the car in the actual carpool line. It was the first day that I didn't walk him in and it was sweet and sad all at once. BUT, I am so happy for him and he is enjoying kindergarten so much! He was King for the Day yesterday and got to take 5 things that he loves. He took a dino book, his Batman costume (big surprise), goggles (because he loves to swim), Legos, and a picture of our family. He ran off the bus with a cardboard crown (think old school burger king) and my heart melted a little.

these 2 were happy to see each other and she wouldn't let go of him

Meanwhile, I have been spending a couple of days spoiling loving on Sascha. For most of her (almost) 4 years, she has been thrown in the car to drop off or pick up the brothers and sister from various schools and activities. And this year, she was old enough to notice that they all got some new gear for the new year.

Now I am well aware that she has had a great life, but I wonder sometimes if she feels like she is just along for the ride. So, yesterday, she and I took some time to slow down and enjoy things together. We decided to go to the "bazoo" (what most folks call the zoo) and take our time wandering around. We had the best. time. ever. I enjoyed her so much and she is still thanking me today for our time there. I sent Josh a text while we were on the train that 2 of her favorite "animals" were the squirrels and the inch worms. Sascha, however will tell you the giraffes were her very favorite. We had a creepy moment when the (skinny) tiger was pacing around his area growling this painful growl and when we peeked in the penguins' training area and saw what looked to be a dead penguin before realizing it was a penguin dummy, but overall, it was perfect. The day was beautiful and she was a dream.

I am thankful for the year I will have with her before she heads off to pre-k next year. I think that she really needs this time with me to be validated as an individual and not just told to get in the car because we have to go get (fill in the name of the sibling). She is such an independent and tough cookie that I sometimes forget she is also a little girl who needs/wants her mommy.

Of course, at least for me, a day as a mom wouldn't be complete without some self-imposed guilt after I overanalyze something. I had some great one on one time with Caroline when she was little--she did gymboree and play group and had friends over and blah, blah, blah. And then the boys came along and everyone was smushed together into a lump called "the kids". Now, Sascha has a chance to be alone and have me all to herself and I had a moment of panic yesterday because the boys never had extended periods of time alone with me like the girls have and will. I know that parenting requires intentionality and I really do look at our schedule each year and try to find a regular time to spend alone with each of them, but the human in me panicked yesterday. Are the boys going to be totally screwed up because I didn't have zoo days with them when they were 3?! Will they feel less loved because they didn't have a year or more of one on one time with me?!

My rational side knows that I am screwing all of them up equally and I shouldn't worry, but I do. And I am not looking for compliments and accolades, just sharing.

Anyway, we wrapped up our special day at Target--our fav place together and came home to watch the Cat in the Hat. It was a great day. Here are some pics from the zoo--she wanted her picture taken with all the statue animals . . . funny girl

I believe her exact words were, "Oh, Mr. Dorilla, I love you!"

I told her to smile in this one and she told me that flowers don't smile. How can you argue with that? Have you ever seen a smiling flower? Love that little mind of hers!

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